I've got thirty-six expressions
Sweet as pie to tough as leather
And that's six expressions more
Than all them, Barrymores put together
Instead of just kicking me
Why don't they give me a lift?
Well, it must be a plot
'Cause they're scared that I got
Such a gift, well, I'm miffed

'Cause I'm the greatest star
I am by far, but no one knows it
Wait, they're gonna hear a voice
A silver flute
They'll cheer each toot
Hey! that kid is terrific!
When I expose it
Now, can't you see to look at me
That I'm a natural Camille?
As Camille I just feel
I've so much to offer

Hey, listen kid I know I'd be divine because
I'm a natural cougher
Some ain't got it, not a lump
I'm a great big clump of talent
Laugh, they'll bend in half
Did you ever hear the story
About the traveling salesman?
A thousand jokes, stick around for the jokes
A thousand faces, I reiterate
When you're gifted, then you're gifted
These are facts, I got no axe to grind

Hey, what are you blind?
In all of the world so far
I'm the greatest star
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You think beautiful girls
Are gonna stay a star forever?
I should say not
Any minute now they're gonna be out
Finished, then it'll be my turn

Who is the pip with piz-azz?
Who is all ginger and jazz?
Who is as glamorous as?
Who's an American beauty rose
With an American beauty nose
And ten American beauty toes
Eyes on the target, and wham
One shot, one gun shot and bam!
Hey, Mr. Keeney, here I am

I'm the greatest star, I am by far
But no one knows it
That's why I was born
I'll blow my horn
Till someone blows it
I'll light up like a light
Right up like a light
I'll flicker, then flare up
All the world's gonna stare up

Lookin' down you'll never see me
Try the sky 'cause that'll be me
I can make 'em cry, I can make 'em sigh
Someday they'll clamor for my drama
Have you guessed yet, who's the best yet?
If ya ain't, I'll tell ya one more time
You bet your last dime
In all of the world so far
I am the greatest, greatest star