Everywhere I go someone's tryin' to by my girlfriend's best friend
I'm try to pretend I'm relaxed but I'm playing castanets with my knees
I try to be cool and give her space
But a guy's always there ready to jump right up and take my place
Everyone in this room seems to want to make a big fool out of me

Everybody open your mouth
(Everybody, everybody)
Everybody just say, "Ahh"
(Ahh)
Everything'll be alright if you play it along

Everywhere I go there's someone in a trench coat staring at me
When I'm not at home I'm sure someone's rummaging through my trash
Whatever could they want from me?
Is it just a part of a giant government conspiracy?
I gotta go see my doctor about this itchy pentagram shaped rash

Everybody open your mouth
(Everybody, everybody)
Everybody just say, "Ahh"
(Ahh)
Everything'll be alright, this won't hurt at all

Everybody get in line
(Everybody, everybody)
Everybody turn and cough
(Ahh)
Everything'll be alright if you just lay off
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Dictate a memo to myself
Try to find if I'm the only one in complete health
Consult contemporaries if there are some to see
There really isn't anyone who's in my league
(But me)

Every night at the lanes someone thinks they've got a fine bead on me
I try to take three deep breaths as I lock in and arm mini-van
Everyone says I'm looking great but it's hard to stand up
Let alone to try to concentrate
I wish that everyone that I knew hadn't sold out to the man

Everybody open your mouth
(Everybody, everybody)
Everybody just say, "Ahh"
(Ahh)
Everything'll be alright, this won't hurt at all

Everybody get in line
(Everybody, everybody)
Everybody turn and cough
(Ahh)
Everything'll be alright if you just lay
(Ahh)
Everything'll be alright if you just lay
(Ahh)
Everything'll be alright if you just lay off