Lyrics with no parentheses indicate Coler is singing solo.
Lyrics in single parentheses indicate Colder is speaking.
Lyrics in double parentheses indicate a female is speaking.
Lyrics in triple parentheses indicate Colder is using his "woman" voice.

Sung in a drunken fashion.
Verse 1:
An' I come home late at night,
An' try to tiptoe in the room,
An' she says, ((("My, my."))) (Big deal.)
An' I stumble o'er the rockin' chair,
An' my poor head hits the floor, goodnight.
It smarts.
An' as she's standin' over me,
She gives me such a look. (Hmmfph!)
I try to hide my bloodshot eyes,
I know my goose is cooked.

Chorus 1:
An' I say, "Honeeeey, I can explain this.
Ben chuckles.
I been eatin' little green apples,
An' I think maybe a little nap'll,
Do me good."
She said, "All the noise you're makin' Ben,
Yer gonna wake up everybody in,
This neighborhood."
But I been eatin' the little green apples.
An' to lay my poor head in your lap'll,
Make me fine.
An' now myself is feelin' low,
I look into her eyes aglow,
An' so are mine!

Bridge:
(Hey, honey, you know, I learned a new dance tonight!)
(You wanna know what it's called? Hmmh?)
Find more similar lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.com/uVAf(Wanna know what it's called?)
((What's it called?))
(It's called the Green Apple Quick-Step.)
(It's a real goer.{1})
((Ha-ha, haha-ha.))

Verse 2:
((Now, Ben, don't come home drinkin'))
((With dancin' on your min'.)){2}
(Dancin' on my min'? Aw, listen here.)
((What do you mean comin' home half drunk?))
(Well, I tell ya the truth,)
(I ran outta money, that's what.)
((Okay, come on, Ben,))
((It's time for you to go to bed.))
(Well, I might as well,)
(I'm gonna be in trouble when I get home anyway, he-he.)
(Aw, now, honey, I's jus' kiddin' ya, now.)
(I was jus' kiddin' ya, you knew that.)
(All I been doin' is,)

Chorus:
I been eatin' little green apples,
An' I think maybe a little nap'll,
Do me good.
So put a cold towel on my head,
An' go an' put big ben{3} to bed,
I wish you would. (I wish somebody would.)
I been eatin' the little green apples,
An' they taste just like Exlax's{4} apples,
(Ooo-ooo-oodoodoo-oogh.)
An' now myself is feelin' low,
An' I think myself has got to go, (See note 1)
Ben laughs.
(So, bye-bye, everyone.)
Fade.
(Oh, sorry, honey, I'm jus' standin' on the bed.)