I have to tell you I am obsessed with my
childhood. I never pooped. I'm serious, I hated
pooing, I never did it. I refused to poo as child.
Mostly, I couldn't. It wasn't meat loaf, it
wasn't chicken and rice, it wasn't six
hot-dogs at lunch with Kraft Dinner on top, it
wasn't Sloppy Joe's, it wasn't inactivity, I
just never ever pooped. My parents had this house
on Milinocket Court that had a bathroom upstairs.
It had a door in the hallway and a door in the
master bedroom. They used to close the hallway
door, open the bedroom door, sit me on the potty
and pull the t.v. in there you know, so I'd sit
and watch and ...wait. I mean hours. I must have
been rotting insdie1 It would be like a week in
between. You know, I discussed this at length with
my mom, and she was concerned thinking she fed me
too much meat and stuff. But you know what I say,
my two sisters had no problem pooping, and they
ate the same suppers. It was just me. I was sick
as a child, I mean I was always sick. If I fell
off my bike and got a scrape, it would be
infected. When I had the chicken pox, I was
hospitalized because each pock was infected. Each
one! In my eyelids, everywhere. The nurses had to
dab each pock with a medicated cotton ball. My dad
used to take us camping, and this one time I
stepped on a dirty nail, you know, like rusty,
with my barefoot. My whole hell became infected
(laughs). It was hug! My heel was the size of a
volleyball! I had to go to the doctor and get it
drained. I was so ticklish all the time it took 5
or 6 doctors and nurses to hold me down and then
the feeling of the lanced hell, and I was
screaming. My older sister was laughing her head
off, right there. I had scarletina this one time,
and was quarantined. I had a tonsillectomy. I even
remember one time in the hospital, of course for
you know the reason. A nurse was trying to put a
suppository in my rear end. I was squirming and
wrigglin' and gigglin'. You know, cause I was
getting tickled. Then I'd cry, c ause I was all
tense, you know, and it hurt. Sooner or later, I
Find more similar lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.com/umZhad to make a run for it to the bathroom. Boy,
those nurses sure got mad at me for leavin' a
trail. Someone's always mad, hey? You know, I
took lots of things as a kid; ballet and jazz,
dance, soccer, piano. I was always in trouble,
always bein' a ham. When I was 5 we were all on
the stage with these cardboard clocks like, you
know, two feet across, tied around us with string,
like a sandwich board. We were all moving our arms
back and forth, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock
. I was wearing red buckle shoes, that I know.
Well, my string broke and the clock fell off,
night there on stage, I just stood there, frozen,
and bawling. The teacher had to walk on to the
stage and carry me off. You know, I reacted the
same way when that stagedivin' crowd surfer
kicked my microphone into my teeth. Hey, the more
things change. I quit all of it eventually. Dance
class cause I got lazy, soccer cause I grew boobs,
and piano cause my teac her, Mrs. Davies, got mad
at me and called me a stupid girl and banged my
hands on the keys. You know I was even a
cheerleader. Hey, in grade 6 in Kentucky it was a
cool thing. 'S-U-C-C-E-S-S, that's the way we
spell success!'. I can't believe it. (laughs)
'V-I-C-T-O-R-Y, victory, victory is our cry
gotta go'. That's how it went. I don't
really remember the hand movements. But, uh, I was
never one of the popular cheerleaders. I remember
this girl April was very popular, and this other
girl Jennifer was very popular. There were like,
we were all in grade 6, but they had, like, bodies
of 17year old people. And, and hey looked like
Farrah Fawcett, you know all blond with feathered
hair and endless teeth. I didn't look like that.
I wonder if my dad wouldn't have moved us around
so much, what if I woulda turn out different? You
know, normal? Or am I? I, I'm obsessed with my
childhood. Cause I dont' think I'm fully grown
up. Are you? I mean really? I am my inner child. I
had to search for my inner adult. And I'm still
lookin'. I still eat 6 hot dogs for lunch,
they're just vegetarian now.