Well, I saw it advertised one day
That the Bear Mountain picnic was comin' my way
'Come along and take a trip, we'll bring you up there on a ship
Bring the wife and family, bring the whole kids', yippee

Well, I run right down and bought a ticket
To this thing called the Bear Mountain Picnic
Little did I realize, I was in for a pleasant, funny surprise
It had nothin' to do with picnics
Didn't come close to a mountain, I hate bears

Took the wife and kids down to the pier
There were six thousand people there
Everybody had a ticket for the trip
"Oh well", I said, "It's a pretty big ship
Besides, anyhow, the more the merrier"

Well, we all got on and what do you think
That big old boat started to sink
More people kept a-pilin' on
That old ship was a-goin' down
Funny way to start a picnic

Well, I soon lost track of my kids and wife
So many people I never saw in my life
That old ship was sinkin' down in the water
There were six thousand people tryin' to kill each other

Dogs a-barkin', cats a-screamin',
Women a-yellin', men a-flyin', fists a-flyin', paper flyin'
Cops a-comin', me runnin'
Maybe we just better call off the picnic
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I got shoved down and pushed around
All I remember was a moanin' sound
Don't remember one thing more
All I remember's walkin' up on a shore

My arms and legs were broken
My feet was splintered, my head was cracked
I couldn't walk, couldn't talk, smell, feel
Couldn't see, I didn't know where I was
I was bald, quite lucky to be alive though

Well, feelin' like I just climbed outta my casket
I grabbed back hold of my picnic basket
Took the wife and kids and started home
Wishin' I'd never got up that mornin'

Now, I don't care just what you do
If you wanna have a picnic, that's up to you
But don't tell me about it, I don't wanna hear it
'Cause see, I just lost all my picnic spirit

Stay in my kitchen, have picnics
See I got picnic in my bathroom

Now, it don't seem to me quite so funny
What some people are gonna do for money
There's a brand new gimmick every day
Just to take somebody's money away

I think we oughta take some of these people
Put 'em on a boat, send 'em up to Bear Mountain for a picnic