I said a bad word when I was a kid
Mamma saidMama said, that I'd be sorry for the sin that I did
My daddy whooped me and the preacher said shame
And I tried like hell to change. change

[Chorus:]
But I cuss, I smoke, I laugh at dirty jokes jokes, the minor vices
The minor voices, manMan, I know 'em well
well, I've closed down bars, I've lusted in my heart
My ex's think I ougta oughta burn in hell
But hell, but the devil he won't notice when I die
Don't And don't you figure figure, he's got bigger fish to fry. fry, oh, yeah

Politicians taking pork barrel bribes
Crooked CEOs CEO's are getting off with no time
Christmas Eve burglers burglars stealing good children's toys
children's toys, (can't(Can't say Christmas)
Holiday burglers burglars stealing good children's toys. toys

[Chorus:]
I cuss, I smoke, I laugh at dirty jokes jokes, the minor vices
The minor voices, manMan, I know 'em well
well, I've closed down bars, I've lusted in my heart
My ex think thinks I ougta oughta burn in hell
But hell, but the devil won't even notice when I die
Yeah Yeah, don't you figure figure, he's got bigger fish to fry. fry
YeahYeah, there's gonna be bonfire burning
An everlasting barbecue. barbecue
But with all the bad stuff going on
There ain't gonna be room for me and you. you

'Cause we cuss, we smoke, ee we laugh at Tater's jokes. [Spoken] jokes
Tell one Jim. You Jim, you know you're old when your wife says honey
"Honey,let's run upstairs and make love
And your answer is is, "I cannot do both." both"
The minor voices, man man, we know 'em wellenter added
We've closed down bars, we've lusted in our hearts
Our ex's think we ougta oughta burn in hell
But the devil devil, he won't notice when we die
Hey, don't you figure figure, he's got bigger fish to fry

Yeah, don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry
Pass the tartar sauce.
sauce
When we all get to heaven what a dayenter deleted
of rejoicing it will be... be