I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight

I'm a sci-fi fanatic, a mild asthmatic
And I've never been to second base
But there's a whole ‘nother me
That you need to see, go check out MySpace

'Cause online, I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5, and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati, I'm a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day, I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I’m so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac

In real life the only time
I’ve ever even been to L.A.
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade
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But online I live in Malibu
I posed for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind

It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day, I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online

When you got my kind of stats
It’s hard to get a date, let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login

Online, I’m out in Hollywood
I’m 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day, I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online
Yeah, I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online

Hey, I’m cooler online
Yeah, I'll see ya online
Hey, I’m cooler online