May I have your attention please
May I have your attention please
Will the real slim Santa please stand up
I repeat, will the real slim Santa please stand up
We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen Santa before
Toys all over your floor
Who the hell you think brought them
It wasn't drunk dad or your mother, that w**re
It was me, now I'm skinny
And I'll tell you the score
It's the return of Christmas
But not the jolly fat elf
My ass got so big, I couldn't wipe it myself
And my doctor said, Santa you never looked worse
Lose 200 pounds or your heart's gonna burst
Everybody love me big and fat, ho ho ho
Big ass Santa, look at him walking around
His belly like jelly, have some more egg nog
They didn't give a s**t if my arteries' clogged
So I said f**k them and I joined a gym
Started eating low fat cookies
Drinking milk that was skim
I lost so much weight that I could see my candy cane
And Mrs. Claus is happy, I can f**k her again
Your name is on my list, your name is on my list
And if you're nice not naughty
I might give you a little gift
Find more similar lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.com/liBuBut here's a message for you
If you're a big fat slob
If you're gut's in the way
A girl won't bob on your nob
You can't expect a h*e to gobble your goo
If you just sit there eating Twinkies, watching Scooby-Doo
If you ain't nothing but chubby
No girl wants a fat hubby
You'll end up working construction
Your love life lying in ruins, in destruction
By the time you're 30, you'll be asking Santa
For liposuction
But if you're thin, you'll get seduction
Underneath the mistletoe
Sing the chorus and it goes

I'm slim Santa, yes I'm the real Kringle
All you fly girls like my b*lls cause they jingle
So will the real slim Santa
Please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Cause I'm the slim Santa, yes I'm the Saint Nick
All you other fat Santas can suck my fat d**k
So won't the real slim Santa
Please stand up, please stand up, please stand up

Ho ho ho, I guess there's a slim Santa in all of us
On Donner, on Blitzen, let's get the f**k out of here
West side