C.W. McCall Black Bear Road Lyrics:
Me an' RJ an' the kids was on a camp-out in the
mountains, and we had us one'a them U-Drive-'Em
Army Jeep cars which we rented from a fella by the
name of Kubozke for thirty bucks a day, buy your
gas along the way, take a rabbit's foot and leave
a pint of blood for a dee-posit. And he 'splained
it all to us how we was supposed to get to
Telluride, which is fifty miles away by way of the
regular highway, however, there was a shortcut but
unless we had drove the Black Bear Road before,
we'd better be off to stay, stay in bed and sleep
late. (Pay no attention to the gitar there.) Well,
we took up off'n the highway and we come upon a
sign says "Black Bear Road. You don't have to be
crazy to drive this road, but it helps." I says,
"RJ, this must the shortcut road Kubozke was
talkin' about." She didn't pay no mind, 'cause she
was makin' peanut butter sandwiches for the kids
in the back seat throwin' rocks and drinkin'
Kool-Aid and playin' count-the-license-plates. But
they wasn't havin' too much fun a-countin' license
plate or cars, 'cause there weren't no other cars.
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We went about a mile-and-a-half in about four
hours, busted off the right front fender, tore a
hole in the oil pan on a rock as big as a hall
closet. Went over a bump and spilt the Kool-Aid
and Roy Gene stuck his bolo knife right through
the convertible top and the dog threw up all over
the back seat. Peanut butter don't agree with him,
you see. So we had to stop and take off the top
and air everything out and clean it up. The dog
run off and RJ says she felt her asthma comin' on.
I was sittin' there wonderin' what to do when the
en-tire scenic San Joo-wan U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep
car sank in the mud. At thirteen thousand feet
above sea level. Well, we shoveled it out and ate
our lunch, the dog made a yellow hole in the snow
and Roy Gene got out his Instamatic and took a
snapshot of it. Mary Elizabeth drawed a picture of
the road; it looked like a whole bunch a' Zs and
Ws all strung together. And RJ took one look at it
and said that the only way that Jeep car is goin'
down that road is over her dead body. Then a rock
slipped out from under the wheel and the
U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep car went right over the edge
of the cliff. Yahoo-oo-oo-oo! "Doggone-it, Roy
Gene! How many times do I have to 'splain it to
you? When I tell you to put a rock under the
wheel, I mean rock! Now look at that, what you
have there is no bigger'n a grapefruit."
Lyrics: Black Bear Road, C.W. McCall [end]