My cousin Mary is a real good friend so she's a
bridesmaid for the tenth time They say that love
is blind and a bride to be can prove it cause what
they pick for bridesmaids is a heinous fashion
crime. She pays 300 dollars for a dress the bride
is claiming, "If you hem it, you can wear it
as a cocktail dress."

Well, sure.

If you hem it, redesign the sleeves, tear off the
bows and rhinestones, tuck in the sash and dye it
black, well then, 500 dollars later you will end
up with a gown that is quite obviously a
bridesmaid dress altered to be worn as a cocktail
dress.

Well, she called me when the dress came in and
said, "I can't believe it, but this one wins
the one for the most piteous." I said,
"You've got a wide brimmed melon hat, nothing
could be worse than that."

But it was. It was hideous. It was yards of silken
aqua foamy green with lace and ribbons It was
Scarlett crawling back up from the dead And as she
shoved her feet into a set of matching four inch
heels For lack of any better words I said,

Someday, jumbo butt bows, will be the rage that's
what my hunch is And someday, jade silk long
gloves Will be the power dress for corporate
lunches. They brought the bellbottoms back , we
said it couldn't be done It's just a question of
when. Don't trash that satin, I'm telling you
girl, You'll use that dress again.

The reception was a dinner cruise that sailed into
the bay, Despite the lace and ribbons Mary looked
divine. But another psycho bridesmaid who was
jealous of her beauty Lured her up onto the deck
and pushed poor Mary into the brine. Well, she
floated on for days because the bustle made her
buoyant. And the sharks could not bite through the
crinoline skirt. And her parasol turned over
Find more similar lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.com/JJ8caught her ten fresh quarts of water Till she
landed on the last uncharted island, whether
beaten but unhurt. She turned the rhinestones
sunward, the reflection made a fire And the
natives were impressed with what they saw. For
they dined on wild bobcat Mary caught with bow and
arrow She'd refashioned from the wire of her under
wire bra and she said,

Hey this jumbo butt bow, will make a nifty rescue
flag. And hey, this extra bustle, I'll sew into a
sleeping bag. I'll pay the natives fake pearls,
they'll go and carve me a boat And I'll be
homeward again. I'm sure that this skirt will
yield three full sails, HEY! I'm using this dress
again.

Well, a Miami plastic surgeon came upon Mary's
distress note She'd sent floating out to sea in
pillbox hat And as Mary waylaid anchor, he fell
instantly in love And he jumped into his private
yacht and set to sail where he thought She'd be
at.

Well, a squall came from the south, the handsome
surgeon's boat took water He prepared himself to
die amidst the wreck But as his head was going
under, he heard, "grab onto this butt bow And
our true love pulled him from the turgid waters
safely up onto her deck. They married two weeks
later and our Mary wrote a book Made 10 million on
her video and tour And these days when someone
calls her at her mansion and says,
"hey!" Will you be my bridesmaid Mary
answers, "Sure!"

Just dress me in one hundred butt bows! And all
the matching pastel gear Sure! I'd love a hoop
skirt! I want to buy another oddly shaped
brassiere. It needs more rhinestones I think, a
nice tiara might help, What this dress needs is a
train!" So take a page from Mary, she's doing
well Though you might feel foolish, you might look
like hell Don't trash that satin, you never can
tell, girls, You'll use that dress again.