Kitty calls me on the phone,
To say she's all alone
And needs somebody there.
Crystal sees into the future,
Tells me that she's an asshole;
Should have, but who really cares?

I sit here and wonder if we are
sharing a different world,
And all these naked emotions
whirling around me swirl;
I'm in love with everybody's girl.

Look at Brenda there with Luke,
She's giving him the boot,
Ah, but Kelly's standing by.
Aw, and here comes my man Tom,
Ask her "Do you wanna"
But I never even try.

I sit here and wonder if we are
sharing a different world,
And all these deviant emotions
making the channels twirl;
And I'm in love with everybody's girl.
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I'm spending Cinco de Mayo with my Maria;
Celebrating her independence with little Emily.
And should the new year
find you without Jenny,
There she'll be...
You'll find her under my tree,
Wrapped up and waiting for me.

If you call me on the phone,
Don't ever weep and moan;
You always find me there.
And if you see into the future,
Be so kind as
Not to tell me what you find out there.

We'll lie in bed watching
re-runs of Another World,
Just like a drunk ballerina
stuck on a tilt-a-whirl;
And I'm in love with everybody's
I'm in love with everybody's
I'm in love...
(Ew, you're creepy)
With everybody's girl.