Before I was 2 years old
My mom committed suicide
Two shots to the head
I wanted to make sure she wasn't dead
My 1st memory was waking from a nap,
Getting out of the fuken hump
Walking up to the coffin to sit in my fathers lap.
Tears were shed…we were all fed
Then people left without much said
My dad looked me in the eyes
As he tucked me in bed…
He said your mama’s gone to sleep…
Then he kissed my forehead.
At the age of 5 I lived a double life.
One of sexual abuse
The other I only dreamed I could die.
From 5-12 my life was a living hell.
Living from crisis to crisis
My dad stayed drunk
My stepmother paid the bills.
I looked after my sisters
And treated them like queens
But, every night I still had the same bad dreams
Couple of weekends a month
Holidays, birthdays, and reunions
Should all be times of joy?
Not all this confusion
Time with your kin should be precious and sincere
But, now looking back on the fear
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I never sat in his lap
I never kissed him on the cheek
So why the hell am I here under this sheet?
To play hide and seek with another as young as me
Okay, put your hand right here
Oh, I’m sorry Simon didn’t say, so get on your knees
And pretend to pray,
It’ll only take a minute but don’t peek
And I’ll hear every word you speak
So don’t tell anyone that I’m a freak
I look around the corner what’s that,
Someone is watching my world unravel
As I close my eyes, to another world I travel
I run a fast as I can in this world that I’ve made
Why can’t they make it go away?
I don’t like this kind of fun
Back at home I am wish I were some place dead
Some place I’d never be found.
My dad’s gun I’ve got pointing to my head
At least this way no one will hear a word I’ve said
Just my luck the gun is jammed
Another day, another play, another way
Back at home I lock the bathroom door
A razor in hand I’ll slit my wrist and
The blood will pour!
This miserable life I will live no more.
The cycle continues with many different venues.