[Mr. Mackey (Eric Cartman)]
And everyone should get along.. along
Okay children quiet down, quiet down
Children I'd like to introduce our
Our new substitute teacher for the dayenter added
His name is Mr. Shady
Children quiet down please
Brian don't throw that (SHUT UP!)
(Shut up)

Mr. Shady will be your new substitute
whileWhile Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (HE'S GOT AIDS!)
(He's got AIDS)
Good luck Mr. Shady

[Eminem]
Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!)
(Fuck you)
Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bobenter added
(Huh?)enter added
Say hi Bob! ("Hi Bob") Bob
(Hi Bob)
Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom
andAnd he don't got a job, cause 'cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
butBut his twelve-year twelve year old brother looks up to him an awful lot
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
and
And wait in the parkin parkin' lot for waitresses off the clock
whenWhen it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!)
(Ahh)
And even if they escaped and they got the cops
the
The ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge
'til'Til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
whenWhen she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it offenter added
But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause 'cause he's crazy and off his rocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a "Dr." Dr.
He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off her
andAnd dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find herenter added
But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
theyThey never found her, her and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana, marijuana
andAnd what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want any - any, it's bad for you

[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (c'mon) bad
and(C'mon)
And if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (ask dad
(Ask him man)
andAnd if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (that's
(That's right)enter added
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she
(She will)
So kids say no to drugs (that's
(That's right)enter added
So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh)
(Uh-huh)
Then there's really nothin nothin' else to say (sing
(Sing along)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Eminem]
My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
FUCK NOFuck, no you ain't haven't seen it, it's the size of a peanutenter added
(Huh?)
SpeakinSpeakin' of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
Ecstasy is the worst drug in the worldenter added
If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
Kids two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
andAnd spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your backenter added
Meet Zach, twenty-one years old
After hangin hangin' out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold
andAnd decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys
andAnd peer pressure will win every time you try to fight itenter added
Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyperdrive
andAnd his eyes roll back in his skull {*blblblblblb*}
His back starts tah - look like the McDonald's Arches
He's on Donald's carpet, layin layin' horizontal barfin {*BLEH*} barfin'

And everyone in the apartment starts laughin laughin' at him
"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!" him"
cause'Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny
So they're laughing at basically nothing except
Except maybe wasting his moneyenter added
Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over
andAnd his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin practicin' yoga
And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac
So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause 'cause it's bad for you

[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (that's bad
(That's right)
andAnd if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (that's dad
(That's right)
andAnd if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you
(You can)enter added
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she
(She will)
So kids say no to drugs (smoke
(Smoke crack)enter added
So you don't act like everyone else does (that's
(That's right)
And there's really nothin nothin' else to say (but
(But umm)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Eminem]
And last but not least, one of the most humungous
problemsProblems among young people today, is fungus
It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off, off
bagBag it up, up and you put it right in your mouth and chew it
Yum yum! Then
Yum, yum then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em.. 'em
And sometimes you see things that aren't thereenter added
(Like what?)
Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hairenter added
(Mr. Shady what's a G-string?)enter added
It's yarn Claire
Women Claire, women stick 'em up their behinds, go behinds
Go out and wear 'ementer added
(Huh?)enter added
And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I mean meant fungus
Ya tongue gets, all swoll up like a cow's tongueenter added
(How come?)
cause'Cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!!)
(Gross)

See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
But your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)
(Oh)
But don't be me, cause 'cause if you grow up and you go and O.D.
They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee
andAnd get a disguise and hide, cause 'cause it'll be my fault
So don't do drugs, drugs and do exactly as I don't,
cause 'cause I'm bad for you

[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (uh-huh) bad
and(Uh-huh)
And if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (put dad
(Put that down)
andAnd if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you
(You can ask)enter added
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and
(And she will)
So kids say no to drugs (say
(Say no)enter added
So you don't act like everyone else does (like
(Like I do)
And there's really nothin nothin' else to say (that's
(That's right)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Mr. Mackey (Eric Cartman)]
Come on children, clap along (SHUT UP!)
(Shut up)
Sing along children (Suck my motherfuckin dick!)
Drugs are just bad, drugs are just badenter added
(South Park is gonna sue me!) me)

So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin penis!) children
soSo there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)
(Mushrooms killed Kenny! [fart] Ewww, ahhh!) Kenny)
(So, fucked up, right now..) now)