Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier) Steve Vai
(guitar) Ray White (guitar, vocals) Tommy Mars
(keyboards) Chuck Wild (piano) Arthur Barrow
(bass) Scott Thunes (bass) Jay Anderson (string
bass) Ed Mann (percussion) Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals) Terry Bozzio (vocals) Dale
Bozzio (vocals) Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals) Bob
Harris (vocals) Johnny "Guitar" Watson
(vocals)

HARRY: (to THING-FISH) Anything you say, master!
Take me, I'm yours!

RHONDA: (Broadway-style fake singing) Jingle
bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way! Oh, what
fun it is to ride To Chicago every day, oh...

THING-FISH: Oooh, lawd! Lookit you, boy! Chain
thoo de nipples 'n evvy goddam thing! You a sick
white muthafucker, ain'tcha?

RHONDA: Bells on bob-tail ring, Making spirits
bright! Oh, what fun it is to ride To Chicago
every night, oh...

HARRY: For Chrissake, RHONDA! Have you no SHAME?

THING-FISH: Y'all make up y'mind yet, 'bouts de
MAMMY o' yo' dreams?

HARRY: You bet! I've waited ALL MY LIFE for this
moment! My heart is fluttering! If only I could
submit myself on approval, for a limited time
only...to ...to that nasty little rubber MAMMY on
your knee...

THING-FISH: SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X'? De mys'try
SISTER? Y'all wants t'party hearty with de
min'yature rubber MAMMY wit de string out de back?
Yow! Dintcha get 'nuff 'buse fum de other bitch
when y'was livin' in de card-bo'd hut?

RHONDA: HARRY...HARRY...hey! HARRY! Fucking
wor-r-r-mmmmmmmmmm! I want a DIVORCE, HARRY!

HARRY: Not now, dearest, PLEASE! This is serious!
Little MAMMY, what'll it be? Hips or lips?

HARRY snatches SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X' away from
THING-FISH, bashing himself with it in an
irrational manner.

RHONDA un-zips the Santa Claus costume, revealing
the rubber body suit, hoping for some sign of
interest from her deranged husband. There isn't
any...he's beating the fuck out of himself and
loving every minute of it.

She squeezes her rubber tits, as if to squirt them
at him. Still no interest.

RHONDA: You're a wor-r-r-r-mmmmmmm! A fucking
WOR-R-R-R-M-M-M-M-MMMMMMMMMMM! These are my TITS,
HARRY! I have TITS! Look! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MY
WONDERFUL TITS, YOU FUCKING WOR-R-R-R-R-MMMMMMMM!
I'm going to pretend I'm SQUIRTING THEM ON YOU!
Whoo! Wheeeee! ALMOST GOTCHA!

HARRY: Not now, RHONDA! Ow! Oof! Oh, I love this!
Hurt me! Hurt me! Oh, pull my chain, you tiny
potato-headed whatchamacallit!

RHONDA: They're almost squirting, HARRY! Look!
Look! Whoooooo! Whooooo! Whoooo! You fucking worm!

THING-FISH: OB'DEWLLA! Is y'awright? Don't be
pullin' de boy's chain too hard dere! He gots
'nuthuh show t'do t'morrow! Don't put dat in yo'
MOUF, girl! I knows y'cain hep y'seff wit dat
crazy muthafucker 'busin' you like dat, but jes'
hang on a lil' longuh...he be droppin' de wad
putty soon now!

RHONDA: (pinching her nipples, jiggling her tits)
Find more similar lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.com/VFGJingle bells, jingle bells...

HARRY: Oh! This is divine!

RHONDA: This is my PUSSY, HARRY! Look! See it? You
know what I'm gonna do with it, you worm? I'm
gonna make it FUCK SOMETHING! That's right! You
won't get any of it...because you're DISGUSTING!
An' I don't need you, MR. FIRST-NIGHTER! My
wonderful, wonderful pussy doesn't need you! I
have my BRIEFCASE, HARRY! I'm going to FUCK MY
BRIEFCASE! I'm going to...look! Look at this! I
got it right over here! There! See it? My BIG,
BROWN, BRIEFCASE! MY BRIEFCASE! It's BIG, HARRY!
It's full of BUSINESS PAPERS...from MY CAREER!

A tan and brown briefcase, seven feet tall, is
lowered in. FRANCESCO watches it land near his
window. He exits the bungalow with a can of Crisco
and a violin case. n pantomime, he cautiously
interrupts RHONDA'S monologue, suggesting that she
examine the contents of the case. It contains a
strap-on dildo of such ridiculous proportions that
a chain leading from just behind the head of it
must be hooked to a leather dog collar around
RHONDA'S neck, in order to hold it up. FRANCESCO
recommends the Crisco as a lubricant, daubs on a
bit with a miniature doll's foot, finally
indicating that she conceal her pubic hair with a
cardboard box, in the manner preferred by famous
singing Christians.

RHONDA reaches inside the briefcase and locates
her 'SPECIAL ATOMIC GLASSES' (with tiny doll arms
reaching out through tiny cardboard boxes), and
puts them on.

She reaches in again and finds an artificial
hamburger with a red ribbon on it. She mounts it
on top of her head, tying the ribbon in a neat bow
below her chin. Ready at last, she humps the
briefcase vigorously.

RHONDA: (contd.) I'm gonna put my GLASSES ON,
HARRY! I'm gonna put my hair up in a BUN! Then,
I'm going FUCK FUCK FUCK! Ha-ha-ha-hahhhhh! Look!
See me? See how I got my hair up? Whooo! I'm
REALLY DOING IT! Unngh! Unngh!

HARRY: RHONDA...have you no SHAME! Keep the
briefcase closed, for chrissake! All your
documents are falling out!

RHONDA: (as over-sized file folders emerge) Unngh!
I'm GOOD! Oh God I'm good! Harder! Faster! Unngh!
Unngh! This is TERRIFIC! Boy, I need it so bad...

HARRY: Those are the Warner Brothers files, aren't
they dear? Don't you think there'll be some
questions about the condition of the blue paper?

THING-FISH: Girl! Bes' be careful wit de latch!

RHONDA: (with the handle in her mouth,
semi-intelligible) I'm sucking the handle now,
HARRY! Look! Mmmmmm! It tastes GOOD! Mmmmmm!
Mmmmmm! The handle! The handle!

HARRY: Hurt me, OB'DEWLLA! Make me whimper and beg
for your tiny rubber love!

After nibbling on it as if it were a giant piece
of corn-on-the-cob, THING-FISH hands RHONDA an
oversized pink fountain pen with her name on the
clip.

RHONDA: I've got a fountain pen, HARRY! I've got a
fountain pen with MY INITIALS on it! I'm putting
it in my mouth, HARRY! I'm gonna get it wet! I'm
gonna stuff it up my asshole and ride the
briefcase again, you disgusting perverted bastard
worm! I'm gonna do it! Look, HARRY! Whooo! Unngh!
Unngh! God-damit, HARRY! Watch me! This is for
your own good!