Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier) Steve Vai
(guitar) Ray White (guitar, vocals) Tommy Mars
(keyboards) Chuck Wild (piano) Arthur Barrow
(bass) Scott Thunes (bass) Jay Anderson (string
bass) Ed Mann (percussion) Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals) Terry Bozzio (vocals) Dale
Bozzio (vocals) Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals) Bob
Harris (vocals) Johnny "Guitar" Watson
(vocals)

RHONDA: (stage whisper) HARRY, this is not DREAM
GIRLS!

HARRY: (stage whisper) They told me it had
c-c-colored folk in it, RHONDA, and that's ALWAYS
a sure sign of GOOD, SOLID, MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENT!
How was I supposed to know they'd be this ugly?

RHONDA: They pissed on us, HARRY! They fuckin'
pissed on us! Look at my fox!

HARRY: I know, dear...but they pissed on me
too...he did say they were INCONTINENT!

RHONDA: Just smell this! I think we should get out
of here before they do something else to us!

HARRY: Leave? Now? At these ticket prices? Just
hold your horses...it probably wasn't REAL PISS...
only 'theater piss'...they probably have a
formula... some special stuff...comes right outta
the fur with Woolite.

RHONDA: What's happened to Broadway, HARRY? Used
to be you could come to one of these things and
the wind would be RUSHING DOWN THE PLAIN or a
fairy on a string would go over the audience...but
NOW! Harry, I ask you: is THIS entertainment?

HARRY: You're absolutely correct, dear! So far we
haven't seen a single good-looking pair of
legs...a single sequin-encrusted whatchamacallit
...no firm, rounded breasts! This show is a
DISASTER, RHONDA! A complete and utter DISASTER!

THING-FISH: Mmmm! Say dere...hey! Umm-hmm! Thass
right! HEY YOU! You two ugly white folks...over
heahhh!

As you know, de presence of carboniferous
hard-core unemployables has gen'rally, in de
historical past, GUARANTEED an evenin' of
upliftin' FROLIC and CAVORTMENT...it'd be a shame
Find more similar lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.com/VG8fo y'all t'miss out on dis here one! Got some nice
chairs fo' ya, rights ovuh heahhh.

HARRY & RHONDA rise, cross to THING-FISH, and
sit in the chairs he offers. They are immediately
chained to them by The MAMMIES.

HARRY: Uhhh...beg pardon? What's going on here?

RHONDA: Oh! They're touching me! HARRY! HARRY!
HARRY! HARRY, do something! THEY'RE PUTTING CHAINS
ON ME! I'LL BE STUCK TO THE CHAIR! Oh! What'll I
do? I'LL MISS INTERMISSION!

HARRY: They're only 'theater chains', RHONDA! Just
some sort of...

RHONDA: THESE ARE REAL GODDAM CHAINS, HARRY, AND
THEY'RE NOT GONNA COME OFF WITH WOOLITE!

HARRY: I don't mind the way they feel...they don't
bother me, honey...relax! Go with the flow...

RHONDA: HARRY, YOU ARE AN OVER-EDUCATED SHIT-HEAD!

THING-FISH: Look here, folks...dis only fo yo own
protexium! Once we gets rollin' heah, things be
happnin' all over de place dat could prove
dangerous to persons not previously acquainted wit
de SAN QUENTIM MASH- POTATOES!

RHONDA: I want the wind to come rushing down the
plain! I want fairies on a string over the
audience! I want REAL BROADWAY ENTERTAINMENT!
Feathers! Spot-lights! Guilt! Hours upon hours of
GUILT! About my mother! About my father! About
brave women, suffering at the hands of infantile,
insensitive, dominating men! And what do I get? A
Potato-headed jig-a-boo with Catholic clothes on!
Incomprehensible duck lips! Weak bladders draining
through abnorminably large organs! Jesus, HARRY!
What the FUCK is going on here?

HARRY: Simmer down! If you'll just roll with the
punches...and don't rock the boat, I'm sure we'll
have a lovely evening at the theater!

THING-FISH: Thass right! We got fairies on a
string fo yo ass jes' a little later! Meanwhile, I
b'lieves y'all requires some updatement on de
CO-LOG-NUH situatium! Sister OB'DEWLLA 'X'!
Express yo'seff!