Lyrics to Smell my Beard
by Frank Zappa

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[edit]Song titleSmell my Beard
[edit]Artist nameFrank Zappa
[edit]Lyrics languageEnglish
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Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards) Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass) Chester Thompson (drums)

Now the sound that you hear in the background
right now, is the sound caused by George Duke,
agitating two metal insignias. These are badges
that he removed from a coupla boogers that Marty
tried to palm off on him in the last town that we
was in. Actually theyre booger pasties and he's
hitting the booger pasty with a little stick to
get a very interesting musical effect, you know he
does this every night. And sometimes he becomes so
overwrought, so excited by the fact that he's
actually touching a piece of metal that might have
at one time come in contact with the actual flesh
of a booger bear. And so sometimes he misses it.

George: Oh, Lord have mercy...

And he hits his thumb and he hurts hisself.
Yes it hurts very much, but he likes pain. We can
tell that he likes pain because he's in this group.

George: But, but, its very close to other things

Yes but later that night after George was
finished fondling the booger pasty, a thought came
to his mind, how, how can I possibly get any nook
tonight in Pasaic if I don't put this thing
down and play the piano and get funky for these
people. And so George, as you say in your
language, took it away...

George: But before we get funky,
'the continuing stories of...

Napoleon: Moontrick...

No, this aint moontrick this time, we go
to moontrick next show. This is the continuing
stories of the boogers of Marty Perellis. Do you
all know who he is? There he is. Hes got a white
shirt on an a...

Your two-hunderd and fifty closest relatives,
the Mothers of Invention...

Yes, anyway, he was in my room. I invited
some people over. Young ladies. They looked
interesting. Their names shall go unmentioned.

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The reason they looked interesting is because
they apparently were intelligent enough to dress bthemselves.

George: Anyway what was happening was...
nothing. Ha ha, wasnt nothing happening.
So I said
Lets get this party on the road. I said lemme call
the roadmanager. I said whats your name. Mighty
Perellis come down here and meet Miss Cool, Miss
Dew & Miss eh, Miss Stool. So we, so Marty got
in there and he was there about five minutes and
all of a sudden I began to hear other things. I
said what you doing over there? I said I never
heard nobody do that king of thing before. I said
come out of that corner, whats wrong with you, so
he comissed it. We were all asking: Men what youre
doing over there?

FZ: Really whipping it, just whipping it into a frenzy.

All of a sudden he was gone. I look around
and Marty had took the Booger out of his room. I
said: Where you going? He went down to his room
which was room 33. An hour later I went to his
room. I knocked on his door. I said: What you
doin? He said... I said: Say that again. I
said: Ho ho. It was late. We had an eight o clock
wake up. You all know what that is. Eight o clock
wake up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake
up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up,
eight o clock wake up ahrrrrrr. So Marty came out
in the hall and looked in the pool and he said,
can I say this? He said: Smell my beard. I said:
You must be crazy.

Napoleon: I had to smell it...

Show, how ywas walking Marty. And he said:
Smell my beard. I said: I aint gonna smell
nothing. Napoleon said: I'll...

Napoleon: Check it out, I told you, check it out, make sure...

George: Anyway if you wanna hear...

Napoleon: You know what it smell like...

FZ: Marty's odor.

George: Come to the next show for the continuing stories of

Napoleon: Marty's odor

George: Marty's trick. But for now we go to...

See also comments to track 10 "Let's Move To Cleveland Solos".
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Lyrics to Smell my Beard
by Frank Zappa

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