Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)

JOE leaves the First Church
of Appliantology and sets
out to try L. RON's
expensive advice

Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL
SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just
learned to speak German
Now, get this, here's why
he did it! He's gonna go to
this club on the other side
of town, it's called THE
CLOSET... And they got
these Appliances in there
that really go for a guy
dressed up like a housewife
who can speak German (you
know what I mean)... so
Joe's learned how to speak
German, he goes into this
place and he sees these
little Kitchen Machineries
dancing around with each
other, and he sees this
one...that looks like ah,
it's a cross between an
industrial vacuum cleaner
and a chrome piggy bank
with marital aids stuck all
over its body...it's really
exciting...and when he sees
it, he BURSTS INTO SONG...

Joe:
Fick mich, du
miserabler hurensohn
Du miserabler hurensohn
Fick mich, du
miserabler hurensohn
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
schwanz
Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh!
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!

Stunned by JOE's command of
it's native tongue, a
gleaming model XQJ-37
nuclear powered Pan-Sexual
Roto-Plooker named SY BORG
(previously thought to be
the son of the lady who
called the Police on cut
two, side I), spindles over
to JOE and says...

Sy Borg:
Pick me...I'm clean...
I am also programmed
for conversational
English.

This stuns JOE, who stands
there speechless for a
moment. Smitten by JOE's
Find more similar lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.com/VJEanimal magnetism, SY
continues...

Sy Borg:
May I have
this dance?

And JOE, looking sharp in
his housewife costume with
the napkin on his head and
the yellow chiffon apron,
responds boldly by repeat-
ing the entreaty originally
delivered in Deutsch in its
conversational English
form, so that his
intentions re- garding the
Appliance will be made
perfectly clear...

Joe:
I've got a better idea...

Fuck me, you ugly son
of a bitch
You ugly son of a bitch
Fuck me, you ugly son
of a bitch
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Weenie...weenie,
weenie, weenie!

Make it go fast
In and out,
(In and out)
Magical Pig

Make it go fast
In and out,
(In and out)
Magical Pig

Till it squirts, squirts,
squirts, squirts
Fire

Till it squirts, squirts,
squirts, squirts
Fire

Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa

Whereupon, in order to
prove to JOE that he is
no ordinary Appliance, SY
quotes a few lines of
traditional American Love
Poetry...

Sy Borg:
What's a girl like you
Doing in a place
like this?
Do you come
here often?
Wait a minute...
I've got it...
You're an Italian...
What? You're Jewish?
Love your nails...
You must be a Libra...
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?

See the chrome
Feel the chrome
Touch the chrome
Heal the chrome
See the screaming
Hot black steaming
Iridescent naugahyde
python screaming
Steam Roller!