How d'you do, I see you've met my faithful handyman
he's just a little brought down because when you knocked
He thought you were the candyman.
don't get strung out by the way that I look,
don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man by the light of day,
But by night I'm one hell of a lover

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from transsexual, Transylvania.

So let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
You look like you're both pretty groovy
Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

I'm glad we caught you at home, could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
We'll just say where we are, then go back to the car
We don't want to be any worry.

So you got caught with a flat, well, how about that?
Well babies, don't you panic.
By the light of the night when it all seems alright
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.
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I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from transsexual, Transylvania.

So why don't you stay for the night? Or maybe a bite?
I could show you my favorite obsession.
I've been making a man with blond hair and a tan
And he's good for relieving my tension

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from transsexual, Transylvania.
Hit it, HIT IT!
I'm just a sweet transvestite
(a sweet transvestite)
from transsexual...
(Transylvania).

So come up to the lab. And see what's on the slab.
I see you shiver with antici... pation!
But maybe the rain isn't really to blame
So I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom.

Janet: Brad!
Brad: it's alright, Janet.
We'll play along for now and pull out the aces when the time is right.