Shel Silverstein Lyrics
I'm so Good That I Don't Have to Brag

Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too
close to me cause you might catch fire Now you're
talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag Well
I'm three parts tiger and one part snake I'll ball
you to sleep and I'll bite you awake And I'm so
good that I don't have to brag I need an adding
machine to count up all the women I've ruined for
other men Now compared to me Paul Bunyan is a
screamin' fag I can shift more gears and pump more
juice I'll turn you every which way but loose And
I'm so damn good that I don't have to brag Now
there's twenty thirty beautiful women a sleepin'
at the foot of my bed And every night every night
I hear 'em sighin' They say that I don't miss a
thing they say that I'm the lovin' king And I'm
too nice a guy to say they're lyin' Now I've been
makin' love professionally since I was only six
years old And I really learned the way to wiggly
wag And still I'm such a modest man you know I'm
twice as great as I think I am I'm so good that I
don't have to brag There's a line of chicks
startin' at my window and reachin' across the
street And it stretches 'way to the other side of
town They come to me from across the seas on their
knees just sayin' Please And I'm too nice a guy to
turn 'em down Now I once got captured by some
Amazon women down in the Fiji Isles They were
fightin' over me to see who'd be my bride I had to
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kill them all and I will admit it and I won't tell
you how I did it But I'll tell you each one was
smilin' when she died Now the day I die every
woman in the country's gonna go around dressed in
black And they'll probably add another star to the
American flag And they'll build me a monument
forty feet high sayin' it's a shame he had to die
He was so damn good he never had to brag And I'm
tellin' you men keep your eighteen year old
daughters off of my back And your wives they like
the way I carry on And why don't you go look at
your mother for a while You notice she's wearin' a
funny sorta smile Well that just means I've been
there and I've gone Now if you got a frigid woman
I'm gonna cure her for a hundred dollars You can
bring her around my house at four o'clock And you
can come and pick her up at 4:03 if you can pry
her off of me I got a whole lot of others just
waitin' 'round the block Now if you're wonderin'
how you're gonna get to me Better bring a Cadillac
full of money Cause I sure as hell ain't gonna
swing without no swag I can make you creep I can
make you crawl make you scream and climb the wall
And I'm so good that I don't have to brag So Baby
don't call me up at three o'clock in the mornin'
no more threatenin' suicide I mean go ahead and do
it honey cause wakin' me up is a drag And you can
leave a note for all the rest sayin' at least you
had the very best And he's so damn good that he
don't have to brag Now I'm warnin' all you women
don't stand too close to me cause you might catch
fire Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other
kind of bag I'm three parts tiger and one part
snake I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you
awake And I'm so good that I don't have to brag