Shel Silverstein Smoke off Lyrics:
In the laid back California town of sunny San
Raphael Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you
probly knew her well Shed been stoned fifteen of
her eighteen years and the story was widely told
That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could
roll Her legend finally reached New York that
Grove Street walk-up flat Where dwelt The
Calistoga Kid a beatnik from the past With long
browned lightnin fingers he takes a cultured toke
And says Hell I can roll 'em faster Jim than any
chick can smoke So a note gets sent to San Raphael
For the Championship of the World The Kid demands
a smoke off well bring him on says Pearl I'll
grind his fingers off his hands he'll roll until
he drops Says Calistog I'll smoke that chick till
she blows up and pops So they rent out Yankee
Stadium and the word is quickly spread Come one
come all who walk or crawl price just two lids a
head And from every town and hamlet over land and
sea they speed The world's greatest dopers with
the Worlds greatest weed Hashishers from Morocco
hemp smokers from Peru And the Shamnicks from
Bagun who puff the deadly Pugaroo And those who
call it Light of Life and those that call it boo
See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise
lace and leather See the narcos and the closet
smokers puffin all together From the teenies who
smoke legal to the ones who've done some time To
the old man who smoked reefer back before it was a
crime And the grand old house that Ruth built is
filled with the smoke and cries Of fifty thousand
screaming heads all stoned out of their minds And
they play the national anthem and the crowd lets
out a roar As the spotlight hits The Kid and Pearl
ready for their smokin' war At a table piled up
high with grass as high as a mountain peak Just
tops and buds of the rarest flowers not one stem
branch or seed Maui Wowie Panama Red and Acapulco
Gold Kif from East Afghanistan and rare Alaskan
Cold Sticks from Thailand Ganja from the Islands
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and Bangkok's Bloomin' Best And some of that wet
imported shit that capsized off Key West Oaxacan
tops and Kenya Bhang and Riviera Fleurs And that
rare Manhatten Silver that grows down in the New
York sewers And there's bubblin' ice cold lemonade
and sweet grapes by the bunches And there's
Hersheys bars and Oreos 'case anybody gets the
munchies And the Calistoga Kid he sneers and
Pearley she just grins And the drums roll low and
the crowd yells go and the worlds first Smoke Off
begins Kid flicks his magic fingers once and zap
that first joints rolled Pearl takes one drag with
her mighty lungs and woosh that roach is cold Then
The Kid he rolls his Super Bomb thatd paralyze a
moose And Pearley takes one super hit and slurp
that bomb defused Then he rolls three in just ten
seconds and she smokes 'em up in nine And
everybody sits back and says this just might take
some time See the blur of flyin fingers see the
red coal burnin bright As the night turns into
mornin and the mornin fades to night And the
autumn turns to summer and a whole damn year is
gone But the two still sit on that roach-filled
stage smokin' and rollin' on With tremblin hands
he rolls his jays with fingers blue and stiff She
coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze and puffs
through blistered lips And as she reaches out her
hand for another stick of gold The Kid he gasps
Goddamn it bitch there's nothin' left to roll
Nothin left to roll screams Pearl Is this some
twisted joke I didn't come here to fuck around man
I come here to smoke And she reaches cross the
table and grabs his bony sleeves And she crumbles
his body between her hands like dried and brittle
leaves Flickin' out his teeth and bones like
useless stems and seeds And then she rolls him in
a Zig Zag and lights him like a roach And the
fastest man with the fastest hands goes up in a
puff of smoke In the laid-back California town of
sunny San Raphael Lives a girl named Pearly
Sweetcake you probly know her well She's been
stoned twenty-one of her twenty-four years and the
storys widely told How she still can smoke 'em
faster than anyone can roll While off in New York
City on a street that has no name There's the
hands of the Calistoga Kid in the Viper Hall of
Fame And underneath his fingers there's a little
golden scroll That says Beware of Bein' the Roller
When There's Nothin' Left to Roll
Lyrics: Smoke off, Shel Silverstein [end]