Stephen Lynch Grandfather Lyrics:
When Grandfather dies
Life will be strange
When Grandfather dies
My whole world will change
When Grandfather dies
I'll scream and I'll yell
'Cause I'll be fuckin' rich as hell

So Grandfather, die
Don't keep me in suspense
Oh Grandfather, cough
Up that inheritance
Oh Grandfather, don't
Hold on another day
I love you to death
But I've gots bills to pay

A stroke would be nice
Disease would be cool
I'll scatter his ashes
In my new swimming pool
I'll party with heff
I'll dine with the Queen
So what say we unplug that machine?

Oh Grandfather, die
Before the fiscal year
Oh Grandfather, I
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Wish Kevorkian were here
Oh Grandfather, die
Just take your final bow
Oh Grandfather, die
Family hates you anyhow

For God's sakes, you must
be as old as the sun
Your Social Security Number is 1
You're deaf, dumb, and
blind, and an amputee
You donate your blood every
time that you pee
Your arthritis acts up
whenever it rains
You're so old your penis
has varicose veins
Oh, why don't you die, Grandpa?
Why must you fight?
You old motherfucker
Just walk toward the goddamn light

Walk toward the light, old man
Walk toward the light, old man

It's all over now
My granddad is dead
A mysterious blow
To his wrinkled old head
Before I collect
A small oversight
But everything should
work out all right
I'll start working on my
grandma tonight
Lyrics: Grandfather, Stephen Lynch [end]